The Search for Meaning

"What's the point if you're not having fun, right?"

I pause to take it all in before I respond. The trees, the beauty all around us, the eyes looking back at me, the sheer absurdity that this person would be sitting here with me under this tree, sharing his philosophy of life with me.

"Well, I think there are several points, actually," I tell him, still rather surprised that this is really what he believes.

"Well, I haven't found any."

In that moment, I realize that he hasn't been looking. It hasn't occurred to him to search for meaning beyond momentary pleasure.

The search for meaning, for purpose, for "the point" in any given situation or season of life, is a primary drive of my day to day existence. I've been asking "Why?" to just about everything, ever since I was a small girl. Whether in work, play, or rest, I always find the deepest joy when I am tapped into the profound meaning behind it all.

So today, I sip my coffee and pound out these thoughts, propped up against one of several bookshelves that give witness to my never-ending search for meaning. I share the occasional laugh or intermittent thought with my husband as he enjoys a basketball game.

Blue sky, green trees, and deep thoughts pull my mind back to our time in the woods last weekend.

"God can do whatever He wants." These words from a friend, spoken in the midst of woods and children playing and a leisurely meal with our families...these words give me a box big enough to put all my questions in. A place where my lack of answers can rest. Where my unknowing can be known. Where there is a wisdom bigger than knowledge. A love that is not weak. A power that does not dissipate. A God that is strong.

A place where no matter what happens, there is always purpose.

Always meaning.

And sometimes fun. :)


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A Sabbath Day

Today, I choose to do what I long to do.

I set aside the "shoulds" and "ought to's" and I follow the way that He whispers to my soul.

One of the things I've been trying to do on this 3-month Sabbatical from my volunteer staff role at church is to LISTEN.

OH, how I LONG to hear clearly what God is saying. Life makes so much more sense when I can hear what He is saying.

The challenge is quieting myself. Not an easy task for this ponderer with meandering thoughts!

One night, recently, I was awake in the middle of the night. Couldn't fall back asleep. I wondered if I should read something encouraging to my soul, if I should go downstairs and see if sleep success could be found on the couch.

But I didn't want to leave my husband to wake up alone... so I asked, "Lord, what should I do?"

"Walk."

Hmmmm.... Well, it wouldn't make sense to go outside in the middle of the night. So I pace - from the front of the living room to the back hallway. And as I do, I read a few snippets from my devotional book and I pray.

The energy works its way out and the peace works its way in.

And I am amazed at His wisdom. This thought would not have occurred to me - I mean really, pacing in the middle of the night!

Yet, it was exactly what I needed.

A couple days later, it was my day off, and I was hazy - in and out of sleep, happy under the covers. And as I laid there, not yet alert enough to be distracted from His voice, I heard Him...

He said, "Write."

And so I had a lovely Sabbath day of finishing up a few posts I had written long ago but never finished and posted, and writing new draft thoughts. Then I went for a walk, and everything I saw seemed so alive with His presence.

A week later, it occurs to me that these words He spoke were not only for those moments, but were His guidance in the unfurling of this life of faith.

So today, on this lovely Sabbath day - which, for this church-worker family, is never on a Sunday - I WALKED.

I still marvel at the fact that I can hop in my car and in less than ten minutes, I can be here:

I can hardly believe that I get to behold this beauty...

And now I WRITE.

And my soul feels so alive!

It is the most wonderful feeling to hear God's direction for this moment, for this season, and then obey.

It makes me want to get so much better at hearing Him, and so much better at obeying!

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