A Morning Walk

Walking these streets, I find myself.

In the grafitti on a wall.
In rocking chairs on a porch.
In the simple, boring building, fallen to disrepair.
In the quirky little house painted crazy colors that don't go together at all.
In the grand, majestic home with the pristine lawn.
In the sleek new structure built not too long ago.
In the zany paintings on the street.

In the smiles that dare to say good morning to a stranger.
In the cries for justice on the neighborhood bulletin board.
In the tall and glorious trees that sing praises to my God.
In the lawn art that seems so crazy it makes me laugh.

Echoes of the many places I've lived.
Echoes of who I've been, who I am now.
Echoes of longings, dreams of who I want to be.
Ugliness and beauty allowed to stand side by side...
Reflecting much of what I find within.

This place allows me space to live a simple life...
to stop in unannounced and share heart-talk with a friend,
to chat again with the same bus driver, say hi to the same neighbor.
Yet also opportunity for whatever grand adventure my heart desires...
a waterfall, a city of books, a chance to explore what's down that road,
simply because I've never been there before.

Enough

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There are so many things we do and say that really mean, “It’s not enough.”

I’m frustrated and I’m exhausted. My brain quit a while ago and now my motor skills are starting to go. But I keep pushing myself. Why?

It’s not enough.

It’s not enough to do what I have the mental, physical, and emotional energy to do and then trust God with the rest. Because I need more than what God has provided. I need more energy, more time, more money, more accomplishment, more order, more, more, more.

He’s given me 24 hours in each day. And that is a gift – none of it is promised.

Today is enough.

There are so many things that need to be done. I’m not the leader I want to be, the wife I want to be, the homemaker I want to be, the family member I want to be, the person I want to be. But I won’t accomplish it all today. That much doesn’t happen in 24 hours. I am limited. Is that a curse? Or a blessing?

I do look forward to life after death, where I get to spend eternity with God and there are no limitations on that time. But for now, He has given me 24 hours per day. Because He knows I am weak, He knows my frame, He knows I come from dust.

Can I gratefully accept this gift of 24 hours? Can I say, “Thank you, Lord, for this day. It is long enough for all You want to accomplish within this day. Show me what You want me to do today, and help me be grateful for the number of hours in it. Thank you for reminding me when it is time to rest.

Thank You for this gift of time.

It is enough.”

 
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A Simple Life in the City?

I want to live a simple life.

I will admit, though, that I LOVE to explore and discover. I especially love OPTIONS. Living in the city is definitely where I want to be - especially this wonderful city that is so close to the woods, waterfalls, mountains, and beaches. I love being able to follow through on whims. Last week, it was the inspiration to head to the beach. Then, the next day, having high-quality coffee (with latte art, of course) and praying with a friend before heading off to our multi-cultural church.

Living surrounded by options requires a LOT of discipline, though. Because I absolutely cannot live in a way that makes full use of my options, or realize my "potential" in every area. I refuse to live a fast-paced life, chasing consumption, saving the world, running to keep up with myself. I have been tempted and sucked in to this life too many times!

I wonder if it is possible to live in the city, among all these options, and actually CHOOSE something? Even if I change my mind later, I can't just choose an "everything" life. Because that is actually an exhausted life!

If I am to live surrounded by options, I must say no to most of them. One thing I'm discovering is that there is a bit of grief that I go through in saying no to some things in order to choose others. Especially when I have to say no to something exciting or fun or inspiring and say yes to the basic chores of life. Or say no to someone in need so that I can get some needed rest and recreation time.

I spent a good number of my growing up years in a very small town - Sedalia, population 274. Apparently the population has grown by 24 people since 1875. When I lived there, there was no grocery store, unless you count Mr. Brown's grocery (pictured above).

No restaurants.

No pizza delivery.

No 911.

No police, except a temporary intern who camped out for speed trap next our house.

There was a gas station, until the pump broke.

There was a school, though certainly not geared to help a creative type like me to thrive.

I think you get the idea. Not many options!

However, there are things I miss...

People sitting on porches.

Evening walks.

Waving and saying hi to everyone.

Not hearing the word "busy."

So one of the quests of my life is to capture a piece of country life and live it here, surrounded by options. After all, what good are options, if I don't choose the best ones?

So today, after some quality time with a friend and her son, I chose to walk to the grocery store. Buy just a few needed items. Enjoy the walk. Taste the recipe they are sampling at the counter. Blog for a bit before preparing a homemade meal.

A Simple Life in the City.

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Centered and Free

What if I lived the contemplative life?

What if I allowed myself the space to draw near to God? To take delight in Him and in His creation? To think and to clear my mind and allow His thoughts to enter in.

What if I treated myself as I would treat those I most honor?

What if I lived a CENTERED life?

I don't want to live a self-centered life. I don't want to live an others-centered life (this sounds very pious, but is in fact quite tumultuous). I don't want to live an un-centered life. I want to live a God-centered life.

Why is it that the path to a God-centered life FEELS self-centered? I have to say no to others in order to create space to find God and draw near to Him.

I can hear the critics in my mind:

"It must be nice to have all that time to think."

People who feel trapped will often, unintentionally, make you feel guilty for being free.

I refuse to remain trapped. My King has set me free.

I will not work my fingers to the bone trying to save the world. God is the only one who can save the world. He already sent His Son to die so that every person has the choice to be free. If I run myself ragged and white-knuckled through life, how will they see what freedom looks like? If I talk as someone who is trapped, how will I offer anyone a way out of their trap?

By living in freedom, we offer an invitation to those around us to be free.

---

pause

Wisdom is churning

as I

pause.

The world is swirling

all around me

as I

pause.

I don't have to stop it.

I don't have to keep it going.

Let it swirl.

I will

pause.

---

I Finally Found My Calling

I was sitting on the beach awhile back, and I had this thought:

This is what I am called to do...

I am called to sit here and look at the ocean.

I'll wait for you to stop laughing before I continue. :)

Now, obviously, this is not the entirety of my calling. That would be unbiblical. Yet there is something about sitting and enjoying His beauty that is essential to who I am created to be.

There is something very right and very holy about looking at His creation and resting in the fact that He made it - and He didn't need my help! And it is all so stunning. What is it about women that we walk around with this perpetual feeling that everything will fall apart without us?

That's one thing I love about God. There is absolutely nothing I can do, or leave undone, that will change the fact that He is completely fulfilled and completely capable.

If I stop serving or strategizing or cleaning or fixing for a little while, He somehow manages to take care of the whole universe without me! It sounds obvious, I know, but it isn't until I'm sitting and staring at a vast ocean or a peaceful waterfall or giant trees that it really sinks into my heart again.

I don't have to be motivated by guilt or fear. He has it all under control. All I need to do is draw near to Him and just do what He tells me to do and be who He wants me to be in this moment.

I don't have to save the world, mend all the broken hearts, fix all of the dysfunction, end hunger and poverty (that one isn't likely anyway, since Jesus said the poor will always be among us), and make sure my home is spotless and that I have put a healthy, inexpensive dinner on the table while I am at it!

The Bible is God's story about Himself and His purposes. There's so much wisdom in there about who I should be and how I should live. Yet He makes it really clear that it's not about learning all those "shoulds" and then adding them to my to do list for this week!

The idea is to draw near to Him, abide in Him, and let Him glorify Himself through me. To let Him live... not me. To let Him love... not me. To let Him be gentle...not me. To let Him be kind... not me.

But doesn't that sound...wrong?

Doesn't the Bible say I'm supposed to be kind and gentle?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25

I can't be kind or gentle any more than I could reach inside my heart and pull out a kumquat. My job is to keep in step with the Spirit. He produces the fruit! (I am glad, though, that He didn't leave us wondering what the fruit looks like!)

“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing." John 15:5

So where did I get the notion that following God is more about DOING than ABIDING?

Selah.

Lessons Along the Journey: Accomplishment

Lesson #4: Let go of accomplishment.

But God, you've been teaching me about diligence! I don't understand! I was just starting to get a little momentum with this diligence thing, and now you're telling me I don't have to accomplish any of it to be loved by you? That nothing I'm striving toward really matters?

Without my striving, without my criticizing, what is left? Emptiness. But why?

Because if day by day, I chip away at my goals, and I accomplish a few - then there will be more goals to accomplish. So, does success mean that I accomplish all of my goals? Does not accomplishing my goals mean that I have failed?

I was created for a relationship with God. My success, really, will be in how near to Him I am. The problem is, even though I can learn spiritual disciplines that will help me to draw near to Him, it is so easy to make "success" into accomplishing a set of disciplines. Because following God is not a matter of getting the set of instructions and going off to spend the next 40 years accomplishing them.

God's instructions for me change. Oh, sure, the basic ones don't. The principles that God spoke in His Word do not change. Praise God of the stability of His Word and His promises and His character! Yet I never know what He will want me to do in this moment until I ask Him. You see, He knows His purposes and where each person is along their journey. So, I might walk past the same man on my way to work every day, and God may give me different instructions each time.

One day, God may say, "Don't worry about that guy, listen to ME..let Me fill your heart." Another day, He may give me an encouraging word to give that man. Another, day, He may tell me to steer clear of this man, because God is protecting me from something I don't know about. Another day, He may tell me to give this man all of my money. How will I know what the right thing to do is if I don't ask God? God knows what is happening inside of me and what is happening inside of the man I pass on the street. He knows my future and He knows that man's future. So He knows what He wants to happen in this moment, on this day, as I walk past this man on the way to work.

So what if I get it wrong? What if I don't ask God what He wants me to do in that moment? What if I make an assumption and I breeze past Him when God wanted me to give him an encouraging word? Or I try to encourage him when I should have avoided him? What happens if I screw this up?

God uses it for good.

If God uses it for good if I get it right, and He uses it for good if I get wrong, then why bother asking what I should do?

Because I was created for relationship with Him.

I was created to be in His presence.

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Lessons Along the Journey: Criticism

Lesson #3: Let go of criticism.

I have to stop criticizing. I have to stop the sick, negative cycle I have allowed myself into. I have to stop allowing myself to focus on other people's imperfections - especially in conversations behind their back.

I was listening to a message called "The Power of Words: Death and Life" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

It's a life-changing message - you don't want to miss this one! You could read it, but I definitely recommend clicking "listen" it will give you several options for how you can hear this amazing talk.

An amazing thing has been happening as I let go of criticism. I find myself with a lot more mental space and time to think and pray! Bonus!

Whatever you do...

Most of the lessons I learn, I learn by making mistakes. Case in point - You don't have to touch a hot object to get burned. Steam also burns. How did I learn this? When I made schweinebraten for the first time (which, by the way, tasted fantastic). Second lesson - Never put butter on a burn. This is an old wives' tale and actually makes it worse. How did I learn this? You guessed it - by putting butter on my burned hand. Of course, after I did, the nurse on the phone tells me, "Whatever you do, don't put butter on it..."

I'm starting this blog because I want to be able to share what I'm in the process of learning and hopefully glean some wisdom from what you've learned. Mostly, I desire a certain level of community that doesn't happen in those short conversations that happen after church or in quick phone calls and emails (especially the calls I don't make and the emails I don't write). And honestly, if you ask me how I'm doing on any given day, I'm not too likely to launch into soul-searching dialogue.

Before I jump into where I'm at now, I'll bring you up to date with a brief description of the most important lessons I have learned in my adult life.

1. Get enough sleep. So basic. And so un-spiritual sounding. Yet it has taken me YEARS to learn, and has had a profound impact on my spiritual life. As it turns out, when I don't get enough sleep, I have no desire to serve God and no memory of what is most important to me.

2. My relationship with God is what matters most. Seems like a no-brainer, yet for so long I was riding on ministry accomplishments (or plummeting with ministry failures), the spiritual maturity of those around me, etc. Mind you, this is not a lesson that has truly been incorporated into my life. Mostly, I have narrowed, by process of elimination, what doesn't matter most. So, I am no longer relying on those other things. Now, it is glaringly obvious how truly lacking my relationship with God is.

3. Focusing on what matters most requires intentionally NOT doing the things that matter less. This one has been a long and difficult process. Not only is it difficult to say no, but it's difficult to figure out which activities and events get axed. Because often, it is the good that gets in the way of the best (does anyone remember who said that?). And there are things that seem SO IMPORTANT, but because they rank lower than God, and God isn't getting my time, they must go. And there are layers to this - I keep learning more. Just recently, I've realized that just because God has called me to build relationships during this season doesn't mean that I should say yes to all godly relational activities. I have to say no to some things (such as some events where I'll see a lot of people but not truly connect with anyone) and initiate others (such as having coffee with that person I've been meaning to have coffee with).

4. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Perfectionism stifles action. This really started to hit home (pardon the pun) when I subscribed to www.flylady.net - because the result of my waiting for perfection had resulted in a messy, dirty apartment. Flylady has helped me with tools such as...work on it for 15 minutes, then STOP - even though it's not perfect.

5. Serving God means finding out what He wants me to do during this season of my life. It isn't simply a matter of finding out what I'm good at and then doing it at church. It also isn't simply signing up wherever they are desparate for volunteers, or doing whatever someone pressures me into doing (we must trust God to fill the needs in His church!). In fact, it doesn't even mean finding out my calling in life and jumping in. Because God not only has a plan for my life, but he has a plan for me for right now. And for this season of my life, He has called me to build relationships. Why? And how does that fit into the greater calling He has for my life? Well, the truth is that I don't need the answer to that question in order to be obedient and blessed. All I need is direction for the next step and His strength to take that step.

6. True wisdom comes from living out the most basic lessons. It's so easy to get so consumed looking for new profound thoughts that I forget to base my life on the most important ones! I believe that the most wise people are not those who know the most Greek, who have preached the most thought-provoking sermons, or who have had the most ministry success. Those who are truly wise are the ones who landed on a simple, vital principle and allowed it to transform their life. Brother Lawrence - who simply practiced dwelling in God's presence, even when he was peeling potatoes. Mother Theresa, who found joy in serving those in need. The little old lady at church who lives a simple life and prays and prays and prays. When I was younger, I wanted to be someone who accomplishes incredible things for God. Then, I just wanted to be who God called me to be. Now, I just want God. I want to be one of those people that is brought to tears and overwhelmed with joy just talking about Him. Not because of what I could accomplish if I were that way, but because I want to be near Him! And this is not because I am Spiritual and Full of Good Character. It is because not being near Him hasn't really worked out for me.

WHAT I'M LEARNING NOW: So I feel like I've narrowed my life down to the most important activities. It's almost shocking how little I'm doing. Yet I am still not able to pull it off. And I have thought to myself, "If I can't pull of following God in THIS situation, what happens if I have children? Or if I'm suffering in some way?" Well, I have discovered what the missing element is. It's not just a matter of doing what I'm supposed to do and ONLY what I'm supposed to do - in a general sense. It's a matter of seeking God's direction moment by moment - keeping constant communion with Him - and doing things by His strength. In short, what I need is to be led by the Holy Spirit. I can't do this on my own! I know what you're thinking..."It took her this long to figure that out?" Well, you shouldn't be surprised - it took me years just to figure out (again and again) that I have to get enough sleep! (Speaking of which, I'd better be off to bed soon...)

So, here is a question for you...Do you stay in communion with God throughout the day? What helps you to do this? What helps you remember to do this? (please comment below!)