A Morning Walk

Walking these streets, I find myself.

In the grafitti on a wall.
In rocking chairs on a porch.
In the simple, boring building, fallen to disrepair.
In the quirky little house painted crazy colors that don't go together at all.
In the grand, majestic home with the pristine lawn.
In the sleek new structure built not too long ago.
In the zany paintings on the street.

In the smiles that dare to say good morning to a stranger.
In the cries for justice on the neighborhood bulletin board.
In the tall and glorious trees that sing praises to my God.
In the lawn art that seems so crazy it makes me laugh.

Echoes of the many places I've lived.
Echoes of who I've been, who I am now.
Echoes of longings, dreams of who I want to be.
Ugliness and beauty allowed to stand side by side...
Reflecting much of what I find within.

This place allows me space to live a simple life...
to stop in unannounced and share heart-talk with a friend,
to chat again with the same bus driver, say hi to the same neighbor.
Yet also opportunity for whatever grand adventure my heart desires...
a waterfall, a city of books, a chance to explore what's down that road,
simply because I've never been there before.

A Beautiful Mess

I was walking through the woods this morning, taking in the beauty, when I came upon this tangled-up tree. Something deep inside of me saw its reflection in these branches. 

I stood, and I stared.

Am I really surrounded by beauty?

Or is this just a big mess?

I came out here to be enveloped by God's creation, by His beauty, and for the first time I am seeing that this beauty is very messy.

My stomach rumbles, and my thoughts turn to the Saturday morning ritual that my husband and I have settled into. Banana pancakes (which my husband learned from his mom - yum), good music, picking up around the house, cleaning...

And inevitably there will be a "Jelani, you left your bag next to the coffee table. Can you please put it away? It's driving me nuts."

I imagine what it would be like if I took the same approach out here in the woods...

"Lord, you left an uprooted tree right next to the lovely waterfall. Don't you think you could move it somewhere else? It's rather unsightly..."

"And the evergreens are all mixed together with the deciduous trees, could You put them where they go?"


"Also, You dropped these leaves everywhere...they are all over the path.."

Hmmmm. Maybe I will let God decorate and organize as chooses. :) It seems He is wise enough to know when messy is beautiful!


I wonder where if there are places in my life where I see mess, and He is trying to show me the beauty?

Messy relationships. 

Mismatched moments of grief and fun. 

Faltering attempts at time management.

Tangled-up emotions...

Lord, show me Your beauty in this messy life of mine. Help me to let go of trying "get it right" and enjoy the gifts you've given. 

Even the painful ones. 

I entrust this beautiful mess to You.

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A Sabbath Day

Today, I choose to do what I long to do.

I set aside the "shoulds" and "ought to's" and I follow the way that He whispers to my soul.

One of the things I've been trying to do on this 3-month Sabbatical from my volunteer staff role at church is to LISTEN.

OH, how I LONG to hear clearly what God is saying. Life makes so much more sense when I can hear what He is saying.

The challenge is quieting myself. Not an easy task for this ponderer with meandering thoughts!

One night, recently, I was awake in the middle of the night. Couldn't fall back asleep. I wondered if I should read something encouraging to my soul, if I should go downstairs and see if sleep success could be found on the couch.

But I didn't want to leave my husband to wake up alone... so I asked, "Lord, what should I do?"

"Walk."

Hmmmm.... Well, it wouldn't make sense to go outside in the middle of the night. So I pace - from the front of the living room to the back hallway. And as I do, I read a few snippets from my devotional book and I pray.

The energy works its way out and the peace works its way in.

And I am amazed at His wisdom. This thought would not have occurred to me - I mean really, pacing in the middle of the night!

Yet, it was exactly what I needed.

A couple days later, it was my day off, and I was hazy - in and out of sleep, happy under the covers. And as I laid there, not yet alert enough to be distracted from His voice, I heard Him...

He said, "Write."

And so I had a lovely Sabbath day of finishing up a few posts I had written long ago but never finished and posted, and writing new draft thoughts. Then I went for a walk, and everything I saw seemed so alive with His presence.

A week later, it occurs to me that these words He spoke were not only for those moments, but were His guidance in the unfurling of this life of faith.

So today, on this lovely Sabbath day - which, for this church-worker family, is never on a Sunday - I WALKED.

I still marvel at the fact that I can hop in my car and in less than ten minutes, I can be here:

I can hardly believe that I get to behold this beauty...

And now I WRITE.

And my soul feels so alive!

It is the most wonderful feeling to hear God's direction for this moment, for this season, and then obey.

It makes me want to get so much better at hearing Him, and so much better at obeying!

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