Character Sketches, Volume 4: A Shepherd's Heart

Volume 4 is definitely the hardest to write. One of the toughest parts of leaving Chicago was leaving the one who was shepherding my soul. It all seemed so fun at the time, that I never realized fully what I had until I was 3,000 miles away.

Is it possible to describe what it was like working with Pastor Kevin?

To have meetings while someone was throwing a ball at the wall next to your head. To be constantly on the verge of something incredible.

To have someone there to tell you when it's time to rebuke, when it's time protect, when it's time to press through, and when it's time to let go.

To have someone willing to climb into the car you just crashed and get it unstuck from the other car.

To have someone to call when you just got back from a missions trip, you're sick as a dog, and your apartment just got robbed.

To learn something about computers (or boats), get an SAT word of the day, get a nugget of spiritual wisdom, a little bit of Strongbad, and half of one more sentence and he's out the door...

One of the incredible priveleges I had was spending time with Pastor Kevin and Gillian at their house from time to time (especially when they were mentoring us toward marriage).

There, I got to see a household that is somehow run like a tight ship and cruise ship all at the same time... Spontenaity and routine imperfectly intertwined to create a perfect balance.

As each year of marriage passes, I am all the more grateful that they were willling to trade their pain in for our joy - to go through all the unnecessarily difficult parts of marriage so we didn't have to. (I mean, really, the necessarily difficult parts are enough, aren't they!)

They trained us well, and with each storm we weather, we are so grateful to have such a solid foundation!


We also got to catch so many glimpses of them raising their kids- I loved the brilliant way they taught them how to repent, how to love one another, how to show respect, how to receive love, how to love God - and that they were daring enough to let people see when they made mistakes.


The truth is, it's not really possible to explain what it was like being shepherded by Pastor Kevin & Gillian - At least not on a blog post. You know what will fit on the post, though? Everything Pastor Kevin has done to annoy me...

Regardless of the quality of someone's character, if you work with them full time, it's pretty much a guarantee that you will get annoyed with them at some point. Perhaps every few weeks? Every few months?

Well, over the course of working with Pastor Kevin for 3 years, I got annoyed with him 2 1/2 times. For those of you who aren't too good with statistics, that is less than once per year.

The first time I got annoyed with him was about (drumroll, please......) the size of the file folders in our file cabinet. He wanted legal sized and I wanted letter sized.

The truly ironic part?

Now, I work at an office that does all filing electronically.

The second time I got annoyed with him, I honestly don't remember. (Must've been extremely important.)


The "half" time I was annoyed with him was when the Servant Year staff was meeting for, in my view, an important prayer meeting. It was when our staff was at its largest, and we were all there - except him.

He had accidently double-booked the meeting at the same time as his daughter's ballet concert.

I was irritated for a few minutes, as his "employee", and then I saw it from my pastor's kid perspective (growing up as the child of a pastor adds a truly unique perspective to life). I saw that, sure, he double-booked (most of us have done it at some point), but when it came down to priorities, he picked his daughter.

And that is so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. That is a choice that will stay in my heart's memory.


That is what a humanly flawed, God-focused man does.


That reflects the heart of God.

Character Sketches, Volume 3: A Man of Prayer

I met George at a ministry called The River near Clark & Belmont on the north side of Chicago. Hmmm, how can I describe what The River was like?

The River was where I got to see God move in ways I had never seen before, to cry out to Him until the wee hours of the morning, to start to live out the Acts 2 community for a few hours each week, to learn submission, to be free in worship, to serve, to be humble enough to let someone else serve me, and to do it all in the midst of a one of the most spiritually dark neighborhoods of Chicago...

There's really no way for me to explain it. I wish you could have been there to experience it! Maybe a few of the folks who were a part of The River can toss in a comment about what is was like.

George Mosher led The River. He showed up early to set up and stayed late until everything was packed up (we met in a back room of another church and stored our equipment in a closet there).

How can I describe George? There is really no one like him. So I will just tell you what it was like to be around him...

To have someone patient enough with us to keep teaching us about the importance of prayer and community even when he wanted to teach us to minister to the neighborhood... (All these years, George, and I'm still working on the prayer and community part).

To have someone who will pray for hours on his own, then pray with you, for you, and in front of you - then take time to encourage you.

And after another exhortation on the importance of prayer and another gentle explanation of how to pray - just when you think he is the most intense person who has ever lived, he breaks into his Russian accent and you are rolling on the floor laughing.

When God gave the instruction that it was time for the River to end and for all of us to devote ourselves to our newly planted church, George shifted his focus to the prayer ministry at New Life Lakeview (at the time, it was called New Life North, but that has proven to be far too vague now that God has continued to use New Life to plant/restart churches around the city of Chicago).

George served in other areas in the church in different seasons, but what remained constant was the prayer ministry.

So, for the seasons that I felt God calling me to be a part of the prayer ministry, the privelege of praying under George's leadership continued.

And in addition to the incredible privelege of seeking God on behalf of New Life Lakeview, and doing so in community, I got another blessing: George encouraged me and shared his own walk with God (the good AND the hard parts) so that just in those brief conversations every week, I learned priceless lessons about following God.

Drawing near to God and making disciples... that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?

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Character Sketches, Volume 2: A Woman of the Word

Raquel is someone who knows and believes the Word of God. When she opens her mouth to give wise counsel, her words drip with the Word of God even when she isn't quoting Scripture.

Countless times I have been listening to a sermon and heard a verse - or have been doing my devotions - and would run across something that Raquel had said.

I remember sitting in my basement with her when she was mentoring me. I would spout off about some problem I was having, and she would say, "Well, let's see what the Word says about that."

She would flip right to the Scripture that addressed my problem directly and have me read it. So there I was, staring right at what God says about my problem.

How many times have I opened my mouth and spoken words that show no resemblance to God's Word?

How many times have I opened my mouth and spoken words that are in direct disobedience to His Word?

I can't even bear to fathom the answers to these questions.

Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to GOD - through Jesus Christ, our
Lord!

Raquel also opened my eyes to the spiritual realm. She had this quirky belief that the stuff that God does in the Bible, He is actually able to do here and now.

Imagine that! And here I had been separating the two for my whole life. Crazy.


She shared with me her experiences with her spiritual gifts and how she longed for others to experience the same thing. She told me stories of how God had shown up miraculously when she was growing up in the mission field in Brazil.

She exercised spiritual discernment on my behalf when I had none. She taught me how to pray over my house when we sensed evil in our midst.

And how self-centered I was! When God blessed me with the privelege of catching a glimpse of the spiritual realm, I loved it at first, but when I found it frightening or inconvenient or strange, I resented it.

I mean, who has time to pray the blood of Jesus over their house when class starts, across campus, five minutes from now?

And what if I'm late? What am I supposed to tell my teacher?

I shouldn't have to... I, I, I, I... (it is all about me, isn't it?)

Lord, forgive me for refusing to see the fullness of what You can do, beyond my understanding or comfort.

Restore my eyes! Allow me to see you working in the supernatural realm!

I want to be open to Your voice and Your work... and this time, on Your terms, not mine.

Raquel is someone who understands authority. She knows how to submit to authority, and how to exert authority when God gives it to her. She taught me about how we are under God's covering when we submit to authority, and that we are only to go against that authority when it is in opposition to God's will.

That one is tough! I wonder what it would have been like if I had recognized the authorities God had placed over me throughout my life, and trusted Him and obeyed Him by submitting to them. My parents, my teachers, my bosses, my pastors... Oh, how much heartache I would have been saved! Not to mention the heartache of those around me!

Lord, help me to honor you by honoring those you place in authority over me.

Give me the strength to let go of what I think is the best/most efficient way of doing things and trust You.

Help me to let go of my preferences and exchange them for Your glory.

Raquel also modeled humility for me. She told me that she had said something to her husband (and of course I don't remember what it was) and she had to go back and apologize to him and ask his forgiveness.

This blew me away. I don't think that ever in my life I had gone to apologize to someone of my own volition. For me, apologies were the result of confrontations.

It's still very difficult for me to apologize to people. And often, it is even more difficult for me to look at a situation and see my fault in it. It's so much easier (and less painful) to look at what someone else is doing wrong!

Yet more and more I find the freedom in admitting my faults - no longer having the stress of holding up this pretense of having it together. As it turns out, the only time I am not failing is when God is working through me.

Lord, help me to get out of your way!

Help me to humble myself and let you remove the barriers I put up to allowing You to work through me.
Help me to be quick to admit when I am wrong, and when I am not acting according to the way You have taught in Your Word.





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Character Sketches, Volume 1: Daddy's Girl

I can't believe how much time has passed since I wrote the post about my grief over leaving Chicago and promised my readers a series of posts about just a few of the people who impacted me while I was there.

To be honest, writing this stuff HURTS, though in a healing way. But I have avoided that pain for too long. I am now rejoicing in the joy and peace that comes with embracing the difficulties God has for me. So here goes...


It is my hope that by sharing with you the character attributes of a few people who taught me how to walk with God, that you and I both will become more like them.


There were several people in Chicago who mentored me in the faith, not to mention the sages and prayer warriors who provided "pit stops" for me along the way. I wish I had time to speak of everyone who has impacted me deeply in my walk with God, including those who have walked alongside me.

But since I can't really blog for 40 hours a week (oh, how I wish I could!), I have narrowed it down to four people:


-Raquel, who mentored me

-Anja, who was my Bible study leader along with Raquel

-George, who taught me to pray

-Pastor Kevin and his wife, Gillian


Many have spoken into my life, served me, and sought God with me (and on my behalf). But these four people layed down their lives again and again and again and again...

DADDY'S GIRL

It always mysitified me how Anja always had so much love to share. She would always give these great big hugs that would break down every last defense you were holding up. There were several times that I thought I was doing fine, until Anja hugged me. Then, I began to cry.


And I wasn't the only one. She has a hug that says, "You are loved. You are safe. It's okay to go ahead and be you."

So where does she get that? For much of my adult life, I have felt like I barely had enough love to accept myself, be cordial to the people around me, and make it through the day. In fact, there have been long stretches of time when I dreamed of having even that much love.

So how could Anja be so ... full?

I knew it wasn't because she had an easy life. If there is anyone who has walked through more than her fair share of difficulty, it is Anja. Yet here she was - serving, loving, praying and at times, darn near bouncing up and down with joy.

Why?

Because Anja has a heart of worship. I have seen her pour out her affection for God in worship with a look of delight - the look of a Daddy's girl. She knows that she is completely accepted and loved by her Daddy.

When others were too self-conscious or disinterested, she would pour out her affection on God during Sunday morning worship (and that was not the only time she did it - she would also do this alone in her room with her guitar...). She would kneel, lay on her face before God, raise her hands, jump up and down, and generally express her heart to Him.


And because He is faithful and true, He would fill her up.

A heart that is full of God to overflowing. This is my desire. This is what I see in Anja.

Yet I tend to want the fullness and the overflow without the falling on my face before God. Without having to pour out my affections on Him and Him only. Without being willing to be used by Him as He wills (regardless of how I feel).

What I have truly sought after is the effects of a close relationship with God without the effort and humility required to actually draw near to Him.


It's about time I followed Anja's example, don't you think?

Father, I adore you.


I lay my life before you.


How I love you!

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