Thoughts of the coming fall, pictures of children going to
school, schedules and programs getting under way at church… it all has me
stirred to ponder once again my rhythm of life.
As a creative type, time management is not an easy topic,
but rather an epic journey – an existential exploration. The fact is, this
stuff doesn’t come naturally to me. So I can go into default mode, and float
away with the wind, or I can take the opposite extreme and pull myself up by my
bootstraps. Neither one is effective.
I spent most of my life on the bootstraps approach, and now
that I have been set free from that, I am so very tempted to just float away
with the wind. J
Yet I am learning that it is not middle ground that I’m going for here – it is
the abundant life:
A life full of grace and rhythm and freedom and delight.
A life in which I walk with my shepherd, whether I’m in the
valley, on the mountaintop, or beside quiet streams.
I have often questioned my shepherd because of where He has
taken me, but as I journey farther along, I am realizing that it was never
about the scenery. It was always about my traveling companion. He has been with
me the whole time. I have often missed out on the richness and joy of that
truth, because I was consumed with my locale – distraught by valley, elated by
the mountaintop, impatient with the quiet streams.
Now, I sit by a quiet stream and soak it in. I solemnly
relinquish control over any valleys to come. I remain anchored as I head for
the mountain top. All because I am learning this:
He is WITH ME.
He loves me.
Completely.
He will never forget my needs.
He will never forget my dreams.
There is so much I don’t understand. I cannot grasp the
reason behind the suffering and the loss, in my life or the lives of others,
and this humbles me. Yet also, I cannot even begin to fathom these ridiculous
blessings. The gifts He gives me that I wouldn’t have even been able to figure
out how to ask for. Because I am so deeply known and loved by Him that He knows
even better than I do what will delight me in the deep and forgotten places of
my heart.
God gives good gifts.
This gift-giver is the one who walks
with me, who lives in me, who works in me and through me – even when it seems
that my world turns upside-down. This is a deep and beautiful mystery that I will
never understand. So this is the choice I make – to walk with Him. To reach out
and take the hand that reaches for mine. To trust even when it seems dark and
despairing. To keep holding on when I want to run ahead. To sink into this
reality of just being with Him.
What does this have to do with time management? If you aren’t
a creative type, then I have surely confused and irritated you by now (thanks
for hanging in there, anyway). For those who are creative types, this will make
perfect sense to you…
I can submit myself to order, to the mundane, without losing
hope – because my hope lies in the One who holds my hand through the journey. I
don’t see how the gap between my current reality and dreams can be crossed. I
don’t have to figure it out. I don’t have to give up. I can simply show up and
be faithful and participate in the plan He has for me.
And when all seems to be descending into chaos, I don’t have
to cling to order. I can cling to the God of order.
The application of this for me, for this weekend, is this:
I am planning to spend time with my husband – enjoying him,
and enjoying the sweet freedom and hope that God has abundantly given. Part of
that time will include some fun – a date, some time with friends – and part of
that time will include the more difficult parts of managing this life and
household.
The hardest part? Without a doubt, that would be the finances. This is the place that tests my
living out these truths that I espouse.
So one of my goals for this weekend is this: to look into my
husband’s eyes as we talk about bills and budgets and still be filled with hope
and abundant love.
Because I believe in a God of abundance.
I believe in a God who will complete His work in me, who
will complete His work in my husband.
I believe in a God who completed His work on the cross.
So I endeavor to set my life to that rhythm.
So good, Holly. I love this way of looking at life rhythms -- recognizing your traveling companion instead of answering in all sorts of ways the questions of where you are traveling. And I so appreciate the way you are anticipating even the DISCUSSING of finances with Jelani to be a place of recognizing God's abundance and goodness. Amen, sister.
ReplyDeleteVery timely for me and very much appreciated by me. Thank you for sharing. I miss our fact-to-face talks!
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