To be honest, writing this stuff HURTS, though in a healing way. But I have avoided that pain for too long. I am now rejoicing in the joy and peace that comes with embracing the difficulties God has for me. So here goes...
It is my hope that by sharing with you the character attributes of a few people who taught me how to walk with God, that you and I both will become more like them.
There were several people in Chicago who mentored me in the faith, not to mention the sages and prayer warriors who provided "pit stops" for me along the way. I wish I had time to speak of everyone who has impacted me deeply in my walk with God, including those who have walked alongside me.
But since I can't really blog for 40 hours a week (oh, how I wish I could!), I have narrowed it down to four people:
-Raquel, who mentored me
-Anja, who was my Bible study leader along with Raquel
-George, who taught me to pray
-Pastor Kevin and his wife, Gillian
Many have spoken into my life, served me, and sought God with me (and on my behalf). But these four people layed down their lives again and again and again and again...
DADDY'S GIRL
It always mysitified me how Anja always had so much love to share. She would always give these great big hugs that would break down every last defense you were holding up. There were several times that I thought I was doing fine, until Anja hugged me. Then, I began to cry.
And I wasn't the only one. She has a hug that says, "You are loved. You are safe. It's okay to go ahead and be you."
So where does she get that? For much of my adult life, I have felt like I barely had enough love to accept myself, be cordial to the people around me, and make it through the day. In fact, there have been long stretches of time when I dreamed of having even that much love.
So how could Anja be so ... full?
I knew it wasn't because she had an easy life. If there is anyone who has walked through more than her fair share of difficulty, it is Anja. Yet here she was - serving, loving, praying and at times, darn near bouncing up and down with joy.
Why?
Because Anja has a heart of worship. I have seen her pour out her affection for God in worship with a look of delight - the look of a Daddy's girl. She knows that she is completely accepted and loved by her Daddy.
When others were too self-conscious or disinterested, she would pour out her affection on God during Sunday morning worship (and that was not the only time she did it - she would also do this alone in her room with her guitar...). She would kneel, lay on her face before God, raise her hands, jump up and down, and generally express her heart to Him.
And because He is faithful and true, He would fill her up.
A heart that is full of God to overflowing. This is my desire. This is what I see in Anja.
Yet I tend to want the fullness and the overflow without the falling on my face before God. Without having to pour out my affections on Him and Him only. Without being willing to be used by Him as He wills (regardless of how I feel).
What I have truly sought after is the effects of a close relationship with God without the effort and humility required to actually draw near to Him.
It's about time I followed Anja's example, don't you think?
Father, I adore you.
I lay my life before you.
How I love you!
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Holly, that was beautiful and well said. Many a time did I experience those Anja hugs and too am grateful for them. It's funny, if I made a list of who impacted me the most, these names would also appear along with Ms. V.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Jen! I can't tell you how many times I was not sure how to do the whole ministry thing as a woman, and I would just pop right into V's office and get on-call mentoring. :) Seriously, I could probably blog forever just about the incredible people who poured into my life in Chicago. And I have to say that you and Nate are definitely among the greatest! You are both so patient and kind - true example-setters in the kingdom!
ReplyDeleteJust hugged her at Moody yesterday.
ReplyDeleteThanks Holly!
ReplyDeleteI just happened back this way! God must have wanted me here this morning. I loved Chicago- it was one of the most difficult moves in all my life. And it is because of this community that happened. No one or nearly everyone was there alone. No one relied on immediate family but clung to Christ's family. I came in after much of your memories passed but I saw the result and felt the love and was accepted. All who enter the door there does. thanks for these great character sketches.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth - just going back over these last few blogs ... and I wonder if that's why there was such a connectedness among many of us. We moved beyond acquaintances and for many of us, the Church Family, was our family. We spent Holidays together. We called each other when we needed help. We looked for ways to love one another, not expecting anything in return. Hmmmm ... Thanks for those thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Anja. Not to mention all the helping each other move we all did! Cleaning out refrigerators, ceiling fans, carrying boxes up and down 3 flights of stairs, fitting couches through windows... I thought for sure I would lose friends when I moved from a 3rd floor apt to a 3 floor apt. We really were like family... trips to the hospital, rides to the grocery store, risking the germs to help out when someone's sick, naps on Sunday afternoon, pooling our money to buy PB&J, anonymous money coming at just the right time, changing tires, giving shoes, the list could go on forever.
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