Early

A woman's voice squawks numbers from the alarm clock radio. The time? The weather? I don't even know. I just know that I don't like her. 

It's quite unfair, really. Here she is, just doing her job. It's not her fault that she interrupted blissful sleep. That was entirely my doing when I set the alarm the night before, eh?

Nonetheless, I don't like her.

I grope in the dark for my phone, and decide to read something to help jar my mind into waking up. I run across this quote:

An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. -Henry David Thoreau

I believe this. The thought of being out for a walk sounds absolutely delightful. 

The thought of getting my clothes on and getting my behind out the door - NOT delightful. 

The quote is on repeat in my head. An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. I'm cranky and I'm groggy, but this quote rolling in my mind gives me the impetus to head toward the door. 

That whole internal exchange is really a sign of so much growth. Just a few years ago, I would have made a decision, started a personal campaign: I'm going to go on a walk every morning and get back in time to eat breakfast and do devotions and clean the bathroom and...

Then, I would have woken up early, and argued with myself in my mind...  I don't want to!!! But if I don't go, then I'll never get to a point where I'm walking every day. I can't even make myself do these simple morning routines. What's wrong with me? If I can't do simple morning routines, then how will I ever learn to keep my apartment clean and make healthy meals and send thank you notes after Christmas? I'm just pathetic! But I feel like crap and I DON'T WANT TO GET UP. I just want to sleep. I'm so incompetent and useless. What's WRONG with me??! I may as well be comfy in my bed.

It's such a beautiful gift that now I know that if I stay in bed, I am loved. 

And if I get up and go for a walk, I am loved.

My God adores me. Delights in me. Paid for all my junk with His very life on the cross. Because I am worth that much to Him. 

There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. 

There is nothing I can do to make Him love me less.

This truth allows me to breathe deep.

So I am free to stay in bed, free to go and walk. 

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

This morning, I choose to press into the phrase reverberates in my mind: An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day. I press, but I don't push. I don't beat myself up with "shoulds," but instead I choose to respond to the loving invitation to a walk that will bless me all day!

And I have a sneaking suspicion that it is my God who causes the quote to repeat in my mind, instead of being lost in the morning haze like the words of the woman on the radio.

It is my God who offers me a loving invitation.

And I say yes.

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